I’m having one of those nights where you just can’t sleep. My mind is racing with so many thoughts running through my head, and I just have to get them down on paper before I can close my eyes. I really should be asleep right now considering it’s 2am. I don’t want to make a habit of this.
As part of this week’s FreEDom from Perfection campaign, my submission isn’t going to my my usual vlog. I actually wasn’t even sure I was going to do a FreEDom post at all. But I feel like it’s really helpful, not only for me, but for others struggling with similar things. Sloane’s campaign really makes me think long and hard. I’m forced to evaluate my behaviors. I’m not perfect, nobody is. With this campaign, I’m connecting with blends, both new and “old” (for me old is only about 2 months), who help me to be as strong as I can be and kick those lingering thoughts in the butt.
Those random quirks that I had convinced myself were just part of who I am are not me at all. They’re my ED talking. So today, I’m going to air my “dirty laundry”. All of those little things that make up my ED are out in the open. Things that I need to work on, things that I hope to eventually overcome.
A letter to my future self:
I hope that some day you can go days without exercising if you so choose and not feel guilty about it.
That you can lace up your sneakers and go for a run or a walk, at any pace for any distance, even if it’s only for 15 minutes and call that an acceptable workout.
That you can eat that cupcake without the guilt later, or the need to burn it off the next day.
That you can feel open to trying new things, both food and activities, and not be afraid that you might not like it, or worse, that you do.
That you can let go of the rigidity, go with the flow, and learn to relax.
That you can accept the fact that life doesn’t always go your way.
That you can let go of the need to control every last detail, person, and minute of your life.
That you can go about your day not obsessing over your foods, planning your next meal, or critiquing your diet.
That you can eat at any time of day, not just at the times you designate as meal times.
That you can love yourself no matter what.
That it doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” thing. If you eat a cookie, it doesn’t mean you’ve blown it and have to eat everything in sight and start again tomorrow. (this is the one I’m struggling with the most these days)
That you can find freEDom within yourself.
I challenge all of you to try this. What’s holding you back?
I say it all the time on the blog. I’m not a breakfast person. I’m not hungry in the morning. But it hasn’t always been that way. It was the easiest thing to cut out and I have taught myself not to want it. I used to love it and ate a bagel and hot chocolate every morning before school. I am going to try and eat breakfast every day while I’m home. I’m going to retrain myself to realize that it’s a good thing. That an apple isn’t breakfast. That it isn’t healthy to wait until 11am to eat.
Day 19- Favorite Stocking Stuffer
My mom always used to fill my stocking with all of my favorite candies. I remember a 3-pound box of swedish fish (yes, it was gone in a week. #FreEDom) and an equally enormous package of twizzlers. Oh, and some chocolate covered marshmallows. Yep, sugar queen right here.
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