**I was planning on writing this post earlier but then studying got the best of me (as it should) so I’m going to keep this short and sweet so I can get some zzz’s before I go die rock my exam in analytical chem tomorrow morning**
First of all, thank you all for your insightful comments, tweets, and emails about yesterday’s post on perfection.
It’s time to make some changes in my life. I’ve talked about it a few times this week but honestly, everything is finally clicking. More than I thought they would. It’s amazing how much a little kick in the butt and some encouraging words can change your entire thought process with the click of the ‘send’ button on a phone.
It started with Sunday’s decision to take the day off from exercise. I usually don’t do that, but honestly, I had no motivation to run and I wasn’t feeling like paying money for yoga (or pushing my body, for that matter). I just wanted to laze around, sit on my butt, and wear the same yoga pants that I had been wearing for three days straight. And that’s exactly what I did.
If anyone is wondering, no that didn’t mean I ate less. In fact, I probably ate more. Because that’s what my new plan is calling for.
Which brings me to WIAW…
After the visit with my RD back in January, we had come up with a meal plan for me to follow. The purpose wasn’t that I need to gain weight or anything, nothing of that sort. I’m in no danger of a relapse at all. But there was still fear holding me back. For some reason, I can eat a massive brownie sundae for dessert and feel totally comfortable (okay, mostly comfortable) but I have a huge aversion to eating big breakfasts or lunches. I don’t know what it is. I was still restricting my food during the day leaving me absolutely famished at night, bringing on unhealthy tendencies. The new plan called for more foods during the day, adding snacks to my meals in addition to amping them up a bit.
Even though I felt infinitely better after meeting with her, I was still resisting. I have continued to resist it. Until I got that little push I needed to send me in the right direction. This weekend, I went to the grocery store in my yoga pants that hadn’t been washed and did something I haven’t done in a long time.
I bought snacks.
A lot of them.
What I did when I got home might be something a lot of you will roll your eyes over, but it’s something I need to do for myself right now. To practice eating snacks without the fear. To learn to enjoy those daytime meals again.
Sure, they may not be the healthiest foods, but they don’t need to be. I brought back my childhood favorites. Goldfish, smartfood, pretzels… all making appearances in my daily eats again. I bought individual baggies of some things and when I couldn’t do that, I packaged them before I put them away in the cabinet. That, my friends, is what made the difference. I was able to feel comfortable eating those snacks during the day. And I have. Yesterday, at my internship I was already on snack number 3 before 1pm. I usually only eat 2 snacks in an entire day.
That trip has changed my mood for the week. That’s why my Monday post was so sunny and marvelous. That’s why I woke up after 6 hours of sleep yesterday morning excited about my speed workout and spending 12+ hours out of the house. That’s why I spent the night in the library with friends studying instead of holed in my bedroom by myself. That’s also why I’ve been throwing so much of my ‘crazy’ at all of you lately, because I’ve been thinking. Thinking a whole lot.
I’m making some necessary changes. And it’s working.
What I’m not saying is that I’m where I need to be yet. What I do know is that I’m headed in the right direction and while it’s a windy, bumpy road ahead, I know I have the support I need to do it.
Has anyone ever given you that little extra push you needed?
Thank you to those of you who have reached out and given me that kick in the butt I needed.
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